June 4, 2014
Though my tenure among my fellow Screwheads is still young the audience has been ever-present. Even on a good day, I am detached in terms of being involved in the site. I’m not sure which people – fellow writers or otherwise – actually read my work but the number doesn’t worry me. Nor are numbers the reason for this entry. I write today to share with you that I am not actively publishing for an audience any greater than two (one of which is myself). I don’t know how often I am on the site checking if my work is still up or what new piece has been uploaded and if that piece involves me. I have a pretty deep paranoia-type characteristic (nothing out of my control) which causes me to read and re-read my work often…among other things.
I am also aware of the mistakes made and where I can add more content. But I will not re-write any published work because my ideals are founded in constantly creating more than revisiting. I have two classifications for my writings: finished and unfinished. The latter will not be published unless it is absolutely what I want it to be. The former is what I believe has enough merit to be published. There has been only one exception and I hope to leave it at that. Because of this “paranoia,” and some other factors I’m sure, I was extremely hesitant to join this cast. But with enough persistence I was persuaded to commit. And a lot of my time now is spent on things relating to PrimitiveScrewheads.net.
…And as I listen to a song I love while I drink a cup of coffee I think about all the origins of the other things that occupy my time on a regular basis. I don’t write to appeal to a large audience or to create another form of revenue for myself. I write because I know I’m good at it and because I love it. There was a bit more eloquence behind my ink a couple of years ago; a faster pace at least. But with figurative rust and a lack of practice and exercise it has become more difficult to create as an artist. This isn’t my sell-out phase nor is it any kind of slump. The responsibilities in my life have gained priority over the things I do on my own time. It’s also really hard to constantly come up with new ideas that go on longer than a few sentences. If anyone’s got something good, I’d probably be up for it; I’m open to requests.
I do not take back any of my actions. I stand firmly behind them. But I do know there can always be improvements; I look for them. I will admit though: one of the reasons behind this entry involves the ink in a pen I want to use up just so I can start using a new one.
Part II: Still the Same Pen
June 5, 2014
But I’m sure I had a point too. I don’t write just to write. I don’t do it because I have nothing else to do or because I have to meet a deadline. Outside my audience of two, I write for anyone else that might consider reading.
And it’s tough. My writing does not make for a simple read. Neither do I really have a message to look forward to that you couldn’t have learned on your own. There’s not much that I even say directly. It’s very open and kind of neutral. But that’s me.
Aside from my own troubles in writing, I don’t particularly know who or how much of an audience I actually have. Or how many people look forward to my updates. And it’s nothing I’m losing sleep over but sometimes my curiosity does spike.
Overall I like to share what positive energy I have with any person that is open to accepting it. I do withhold a lot of information from everybody else but it’s hard to know how much an individual is willing to accept or internalize. Our environment is a lot more fragile than the majority of us believe it to be. It is most of a good system but, as with anything, there are areas that can definitely be improved.
And I’m not complaining. I’m not trying to start a movement. I’m not trying to change anything. I don’t even want to be noticed or recognized. It was pretty difficult to get me to even start writing for this site. But I have grown to love these kinds of projects. It keeps me thinking and keeps me involved in something outside of work.
By the way: I figured out where I was going with this entry and it’s a lot simpler than the content may have alternatively led…
To my fellow Screwheads:
I thank you for including me in your circle and I hope only to aide in your journey through the internet and that this site blows up like a Boom-Stick in the face of evil.
Your fellow partner in what may turn into gaining control over the world.